Dutch Parenting
Dutch parents must doing something right to have the “happiest children in the world”. The Netherlands is a wonderful place to raise children and various studies support this claim.
After 13 years living in Holland and raising three children – two of them born here – these are five things I have observed that the Dutch do differently when bringing up kids…
1 – FAMILY COMES FIRST
The Dutch are very good at separating work from family life. They make sure dinner is ready promptly at 18:00, all members are present and follow this up with quality family time in the evenings and on weekends.
Many parents work part-time and it’s common that fathers take advantage of ‘papa day’. The Dutch government “…recognises that fathers naturally want to spend time with their newborn children too and that some fathers may want more time with their little ones than just evenings or weekends. Dutch fathers can make use of parental leave (‘Ouderschapsverlof‘), also known as Papadag.”
2 – CHILDREN HAVE A SAY
Dutch children are involved in decision making from a very early age. Parents respect their children’s opinions and although they might not always agree, the goal is to reach a consensus. Behaviour among Dutch children which may at times appear to be disrespectful or arrogant, produces teenagers with greater self-confidence. Important to note Dutch parents are mostly gender-neutral in regards to child rearing; boys and girls are not raised differently.
3 – CHILDREN ARE SELF-SUFFICIENT
Children are given the freedom to discover things by themselves and to test boundaries. At playgrounds throughout the Netherlands, you won’t find Dutch mothers hovering over their children, apologizing for their child’s actions or trying to intervene. Dutch parental behaviour that expats might view as disinterested and distant, is actually just their relaxed way of parenting. This down-to-earth approach to child rearing is characterized by the Dutch proverb “doe maar gewoon, dan doe je al gek genoeg” (just be normal, that’s already crazy enough). It means one shouldn’t stand out from the crowd or be too much better than others. This approach is often controversial among international families coming from different backgrounds.
4 – CYCLING EVERYWHERE
Commuting by bike is ingrained into the minds of toddlers who are transported daily strapped into a bike seat or seat-belted into a large ‘bakfiets‘ (cargo bike). Once they learn to cycle themselves, children are bestowed with freedom of movement. This, in turn, means Dutch kids spent more time outdoors. Almost all children in Holland bike to school by 10 years of age, and many start younger than that. They cycle to meet up with friends, play sports and attend after-school activities.
5 – SOCIETAL FOCUS ON THE CHILD
Dutch care for a child starts before it is even born. A comprehensive midwife support system includes a maternity nurse (kraamzorg) who visits the mother and baby at home in the week(s) following the birth, monitoring the baby’s progress and providing care advice.
16 weeks of fully-paid maternity leave mandatory by Dutch law and the option for fathers to take paternity leave, also play a part, removing any financial stress that might otherwise play a role in this earliest stage of a child’s care.
Dutch babies are cared for at a crèche (or government-subsidized daycare) from 3 months of age, when mothers return to work. Working parents who have been employed more than a year with the same employer are entitled to parental leave if they have child under the age of 8 years.
During the academic year, children attend school only a half day on Wednesdays. If both parents work, it is typical for one parent to take Wednesday afternoon off to spend with their child. It reflects the importance Dutch culture places on the value gained from parent-child bonding time. Dutch employers do not frown upon workers who take Wednesday afternoons off to be with their child.
Article by Dr. Ute Limacher-Riebold, founder of Ute’s International Lounge, which provides inter-cultural support services and language training (Dutch, German, Italian) in the Netherlands.
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